I finally managed to finish this video. Hope you enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxQrUAYEOio
More to come.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thanksgiving success and growth spurt?
Thanksgiving was great! We spent Wednesday and Thursday night at my parents' house. The first night was kind of rough. Regan woke up a lot, but she was still easy to put back to sleep. The second night was great though. She only woke up a couple of times and went right back to sleep. It's nice to know that it's possible to have a decent night's sleep somewhere other than at home. Regan was still pretty fussy, but not too bad, during both days. The meal was great and everyone really enjoyed the family time.
Today, however, has been a rough day. Regan woke up at about 6:30, which is pretty typical. I brought her out into the living room to feed her instead of staying in her room. When we stay in her room, we both usually end up falling asleep for another hour or so in the glider. I figured that probably isn't real safe, and also thought that if we started her day a little earlier, maybe she'd nap better and go to bed earlier. I don't know if that has anything to do with how the day went, but she cried from about 7 a.m. until about 3 p.m. She'd stop to eat every hour to two hours, and sometimes to take a short nap of maybe 20 minutes. But if she wasn't eating or sleeping, she was crying. It was a stressful day for mommy and daddy.
I was worried she was eating too much because when she has done that in the past, she has spit it all up and didn't seem to feel well. I also read that it's possible to over-feed a baby, making them more uncomfortable and making the crying worse. So I was trying to hold her off for two hours between feedings. However, I finally called the lactation nurse at the hospital this afternoon and told her what was happening. She suggested that Regan was in a growth spurt and possibly just wanted to eat and eat and eat. She said it was okay to feed her more than every two hours, if that's what she wanted. So I relaxed and resolved to camp out in front of the TV with her for the rest of the afternoon, letting her nurse whenever she wanted to. Funny thing: almost as soon as I gave in and let her eat all she wanted, she fell asleep and has been quietly napping for the last hour.
Once again, I'm reminded that I need to try to relax and follow her cues. I know I should trust myself, but I just don't seem to have the instincts to trust. I don't know whether feeding her more is helping or hurting, or whether she's really hungry or just tired. I don't know if she wants to be held or left alone to play or sleep. I'm trying, really trying, to relax and trust my instincts. But there isn't a little voice my my head that magically started giving me the right answers when I give birth. I just have to wing it, and hope that voice develops more over time.
Today, however, has been a rough day. Regan woke up at about 6:30, which is pretty typical. I brought her out into the living room to feed her instead of staying in her room. When we stay in her room, we both usually end up falling asleep for another hour or so in the glider. I figured that probably isn't real safe, and also thought that if we started her day a little earlier, maybe she'd nap better and go to bed earlier. I don't know if that has anything to do with how the day went, but she cried from about 7 a.m. until about 3 p.m. She'd stop to eat every hour to two hours, and sometimes to take a short nap of maybe 20 minutes. But if she wasn't eating or sleeping, she was crying. It was a stressful day for mommy and daddy.
I was worried she was eating too much because when she has done that in the past, she has spit it all up and didn't seem to feel well. I also read that it's possible to over-feed a baby, making them more uncomfortable and making the crying worse. So I was trying to hold her off for two hours between feedings. However, I finally called the lactation nurse at the hospital this afternoon and told her what was happening. She suggested that Regan was in a growth spurt and possibly just wanted to eat and eat and eat. She said it was okay to feed her more than every two hours, if that's what she wanted. So I relaxed and resolved to camp out in front of the TV with her for the rest of the afternoon, letting her nurse whenever she wanted to. Funny thing: almost as soon as I gave in and let her eat all she wanted, she fell asleep and has been quietly napping for the last hour.
Once again, I'm reminded that I need to try to relax and follow her cues. I know I should trust myself, but I just don't seem to have the instincts to trust. I don't know whether feeding her more is helping or hurting, or whether she's really hungry or just tired. I don't know if she wants to be held or left alone to play or sleep. I'm trying, really trying, to relax and trust my instincts. But there isn't a little voice my my head that magically started giving me the right answers when I give birth. I just have to wing it, and hope that voice develops more over time.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Progress
Regan is 6 weeks old today! Not really a whole lot to report right now actually. Regan's starting to sleep longer, which is fantastic. The other night, she slept about 6 hours in a row! It's still sort of sporadic though. Last night I think we got about 4 hours. It does seem like she's figured out that nighttime is for sleeping though, and her long stretches are at night now. It's nice to see progress.
She's still fussing through feedings occasionally, but it seems to be getting less and less and also seems to be related to how well rested she is.
Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I love Thanksgiving!! We'll be spending the night at my parents' house. It'll be Regan's first night away from home. Hopefully it goes well! Wish us luck.
She's still fussing through feedings occasionally, but it seems to be getting less and less and also seems to be related to how well rested she is.
Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I love Thanksgiving!! We'll be spending the night at my parents' house. It'll be Regan's first night away from home. Hopefully it goes well! Wish us luck.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Mystery Baby
Oh my goodness crying baby. Here we thought we were in the clear. At about 4.5 weeks, we seemed to have gotten Regan's crying and how to soothe her figured out. Paul and I were talking about how that 6-week crying curve didn't seem to apply to her because she seemed to be crying less and less instead of more and more. Well, we jinxed ourselves. She's back with a vengeance. Yesterday and the day before, she just cried or fussed basically aaaaalll day long. Only way I could get her to stop was to hold her on my chest, and even that didn't always work. Could be something I ate (I'm going back to cutting way down on the dairy) or could be just her baby ways. Is it possible that she's worried I'm going to leave her for a few hours again? She cried for two days after I did that. She's too young for that to be the reason, right?
She has really been a mystery lately. She also wasn't sleeping much at all during the day. She used to nap in her swing in the living room with me, sometimes with the TV and bright lights on. I didn't used to have to do much of anything to get her to fall asleep during the day, just put her down and cover her up. Now, after several hours of her being awake, I have to feed her, swaddle her, rock her and oh-so-carefully put her in her crib with the lights off and the door closed. And I usually expect to hear her fussing on the monitor in 30 minutes. Maybe she's becoming more aware of noise and light. Maybe her tummy hurts too much to sleep. Who knows? Her nighttime sleeping hasn't changed much. She's still up about every 2 hours, with an occasional longer stretch. She has slept a lot more today because I've focused on making sure she does. I'm hoping she still sleeps tonight. I'm sort of stumped. Aren't babies supposed to sleep like, well, babies?
She seems to be eating less too. Sometimes she'll latch on and chow down like usual. But other times she'll latch for a swallow or two, then fuss, the root, then latch for a minute, then fuss... and on and on. Or she'll latch and eat well, but just for a couple of minutes. Or she'll root around when we touch her cheek, but won't eat.
I never thought I'd be one of those "note-taking" parents, writing down every little thing. But I feel like I need to tote around a laptop and spreadsheet to keep track of everything. Memory must be the first to go when sleep deprived. Hopefully some patterns start emerging soon. I'm ready for some kind of routine to be established.
Massage scheduled for tomorrow! Can't wait!
She has really been a mystery lately. She also wasn't sleeping much at all during the day. She used to nap in her swing in the living room with me, sometimes with the TV and bright lights on. I didn't used to have to do much of anything to get her to fall asleep during the day, just put her down and cover her up. Now, after several hours of her being awake, I have to feed her, swaddle her, rock her and oh-so-carefully put her in her crib with the lights off and the door closed. And I usually expect to hear her fussing on the monitor in 30 minutes. Maybe she's becoming more aware of noise and light. Maybe her tummy hurts too much to sleep. Who knows? Her nighttime sleeping hasn't changed much. She's still up about every 2 hours, with an occasional longer stretch. She has slept a lot more today because I've focused on making sure she does. I'm hoping she still sleeps tonight. I'm sort of stumped. Aren't babies supposed to sleep like, well, babies?
She seems to be eating less too. Sometimes she'll latch on and chow down like usual. But other times she'll latch for a swallow or two, then fuss, the root, then latch for a minute, then fuss... and on and on. Or she'll latch and eat well, but just for a couple of minutes. Or she'll root around when we touch her cheek, but won't eat.
I never thought I'd be one of those "note-taking" parents, writing down every little thing. But I feel like I need to tote around a laptop and spreadsheet to keep track of everything. Memory must be the first to go when sleep deprived. Hopefully some patterns start emerging soon. I'm ready for some kind of routine to be established.
Massage scheduled for tomorrow! Can't wait!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
A night out!
Paul and I went on our first night out since Regan was born last night! It was fantastic! My mom and dad came up from Longmont to babysit and we went out to dinner and a movie to celebrate my birthday. Real Steal was SO much better than I expected. I loved it! I will say that parent/child relationships hit me in a whole new way. In the movie, the young boy's mom dies (don't worry, I'm not giving anything important away) and it broke my heart! Anyway, great movie! After the movie, we went out to Red Lobster, a splurge for us because we're usually so cheap when it comes to "going out." But we both ate our weight in shrimp and I don't regret it a bit. I only regret that I was too full for dessert.
This was the longest that I'd been away from Regan. I called to check in between the movie and dinner, and got a text from my mom after dinner saying all was well. I missed the little squirt, but it was really nice to get away. Bless her grandma and granddad because she's been awfully fussy again lately, especially in the evenings.
Aside from her fussiness, she seems to be sleeping for longer stretches at night. Last night, I think she got in about 4 hours in a row. Sometimes she fusses or even cries in her sleep a bit, but when I go to pick her up, her eyes are still closed. So I'll usually just let her fuss herself back to sleep. She's still tough to get to go to sleep at night. Last night, it was close to 11 before she finally fell asleep. But once she's out, she seems to go back to sleep after nursing pretty easily at night. Usually. Anyway, I'm starting to feel a little more rested, which is nice.
I'll be doing some work from home this week, which is kind of a bummer. A project for work needs to get done this week though, and I offered to do the majority of it. I actually got quite a bit done today while Paul was home though, so I'm hoping it'll just be another few hours of work. It's actually sort of nice to have something else to think about, but it's hard to focus.
This was the longest that I'd been away from Regan. I called to check in between the movie and dinner, and got a text from my mom after dinner saying all was well. I missed the little squirt, but it was really nice to get away. Bless her grandma and granddad because she's been awfully fussy again lately, especially in the evenings.
Aside from her fussiness, she seems to be sleeping for longer stretches at night. Last night, I think she got in about 4 hours in a row. Sometimes she fusses or even cries in her sleep a bit, but when I go to pick her up, her eyes are still closed. So I'll usually just let her fuss herself back to sleep. She's still tough to get to go to sleep at night. Last night, it was close to 11 before she finally fell asleep. But once she's out, she seems to go back to sleep after nursing pretty easily at night. Usually. Anyway, I'm starting to feel a little more rested, which is nice.
I'll be doing some work from home this week, which is kind of a bummer. A project for work needs to get done this week though, and I offered to do the majority of it. I actually got quite a bit done today while Paul was home though, so I'm hoping it'll just be another few hours of work. It's actually sort of nice to have something else to think about, but it's hard to focus.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Night time
Well, I'm already off on my every day blogging plan, but that's all right. Flexibility is key!
Two nights ago, I discovered a trick to getting Regan to sleep a little longer and better: swaddling. I know, it's not exactly a secret. But she really hates to be swaddled for the first few minutes. She wails and wails and tries to kick her feet and work her arms loose. So I'd stopped doing it, thinking she wouldn't sleep if she was upset. But I tried it again the other night, letting her cry about it for a few minutes while I rocked her, and after her little tantrum, she feel into a great sleep. It seems to be working to get her to go back to sleep a little easier and sleep longer. Now if only I could stay awake through her feedings to put her back in her crib instead of falling asleep in the glider with her, we might both get a little rest!
Two nights ago, I discovered a trick to getting Regan to sleep a little longer and better: swaddling. I know, it's not exactly a secret. But she really hates to be swaddled for the first few minutes. She wails and wails and tries to kick her feet and work her arms loose. So I'd stopped doing it, thinking she wouldn't sleep if she was upset. But I tried it again the other night, letting her cry about it for a few minutes while I rocked her, and after her little tantrum, she feel into a great sleep. It seems to be working to get her to go back to sleep a little easier and sleep longer. Now if only I could stay awake through her feedings to put her back in her crib instead of falling asleep in the glider with her, we might both get a little rest!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Sleep training?
Happy 1-month-birthday little Rey!
I'm going to try to start writing in this blog more often, maybe even every day. Usually it will probably be incredibly boring, but I'm going to use this as a way to help me track and notice patterns and probably to do some venting or unsolicited opinion sharing. It'll also hopefully remind me to take lots of pictures of Regan. I don't scrapbook or anything like that, so I'm terrible at remembering to take pictures, but maybe this will help.
Regan is just starting to stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time. For the last couple of weeks, she has been pretty predictable. She wants to eat every two hours, almost like clockwork and around the clock. I've read that most babies will sleep for a somewhat extended time (3 or 4 hours) once a day or so, usually at night. Well, I haven't noticed that with Regan. I can usually predict when she'll wake up and start fussing to within a few minutes. If she does sleep for more than 2 hours, it's during the day when I'm thinking about other things and I don't always notice.
For the last couple of days though, she seems much less predictable. She might want to eat every 30 minutes for an hour or two, but only eat for a couple of minutes, and then sleep and/or play and/or cry for several hours before she gets hungry again. I'm not really sure what to make of it, but I'm hoping it means she might be ready for some sleep training. I'll be doing some reading on that.
The other trouble I'm having is that she often will only sleep if she's being held. I love holding and snuggling with her often, but I just can't do it all day and night. The best sleep I get right now is a couple of hours sitting in our glider chair with Regan on a pillow in my lap. I'm afraid she's becoming a comfort nurser, but I don't know what to do to stop that.
Any thoughts on sleeping training a 1-month-old? Am I behind the curve? Or should I let her continue completely on her own schedule for a while longer?
I'm going to try to start writing in this blog more often, maybe even every day. Usually it will probably be incredibly boring, but I'm going to use this as a way to help me track and notice patterns and probably to do some venting or unsolicited opinion sharing. It'll also hopefully remind me to take lots of pictures of Regan. I don't scrapbook or anything like that, so I'm terrible at remembering to take pictures, but maybe this will help.
Regan is just starting to stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time. For the last couple of weeks, she has been pretty predictable. She wants to eat every two hours, almost like clockwork and around the clock. I've read that most babies will sleep for a somewhat extended time (3 or 4 hours) once a day or so, usually at night. Well, I haven't noticed that with Regan. I can usually predict when she'll wake up and start fussing to within a few minutes. If she does sleep for more than 2 hours, it's during the day when I'm thinking about other things and I don't always notice.
For the last couple of days though, she seems much less predictable. She might want to eat every 30 minutes for an hour or two, but only eat for a couple of minutes, and then sleep and/or play and/or cry for several hours before she gets hungry again. I'm not really sure what to make of it, but I'm hoping it means she might be ready for some sleep training. I'll be doing some reading on that.
The other trouble I'm having is that she often will only sleep if she's being held. I love holding and snuggling with her often, but I just can't do it all day and night. The best sleep I get right now is a couple of hours sitting in our glider chair with Regan on a pillow in my lap. I'm afraid she's becoming a comfort nurser, but I don't know what to do to stop that.
Any thoughts on sleeping training a 1-month-old? Am I behind the curve? Or should I let her continue completely on her own schedule for a while longer?
Friday, November 4, 2011
Breastfeeding
I want to share my experience with breastfeeding so far because I think it's important to help myself remember the struggles and also to hopefully help or encourage other new moms to stick with it. If it's TMI for you, then skip this post. To the other new moms: everyone will tell you that it gets easier and to stick with it. Believe them. Give it longer than you think can, and if you're like Regan and me, one day it'll just click. I think my experience is pretty typical, and there are tons of other circumstances that I can't speak to. This is just my own.
Unless you've breastfed before, there's really no way to explain or understand why it can be so difficult. I went to the hospital's breastfeeding class, I read the books, talked to the lactation consultants and got all the advice I thought I'd need. Paul didn't really understand why I needed all that info. Breastfeeding just comes naturally, right? Not exactly.
Regan came out rooting for food. She was hungry right away and ready to eat. The nurse helped me get her latched on within an hour of her birth, and then commented that she was one of the easiest babies to get latched that she'd ever had. I thought, "Great! We'll have no trouble nursing and everything will be wonderful!" Well, it wasn't easy.
As soon as I got Regan home, it was like she forgot how to suck. I'd struggle to get her fragile, wiggling little body positioned just right, and she'd just root around and cry and flop her head back and forth. I felt so helpless. I could only do so much for her - I couldn't make her suck. Or she'd cry for food but fall asleep as soon as I cradled her, and wouldn't wake up for anything! Meanwhile, my breasts got more and more engorged, making it harder and harder for her to get latched on and more and more painful for me. There is no worse feeling in the world, I think, than knowing your baby is hungry and not being able to feed her. And all of this while sore from the delivery, hormonal and before any adjustment to the sleep deprivation had kicked in.
I reached out for help from my mom, my friends on Facebook, my husband and the lactation nurses at the hospital. Without all of them, I very likely would have given up in the first week. A friend brought over a really nice breast pump for me to use. If I'm ever asked for advice on breastfeeding, it will be this: get a good pump BEFORE the baby's born. I had planned to buy one, but the suckers are around $300 and I was putting it off because I didn't think I'd need one right away. But that pump has been invaluable. At first, I pumped just to relieve some of the engorgement, and that helped Regan get latched on. But she still wasn't able to latch consistently, and she needed to be fed. So late one night, after she'd been crying and crying and I couldn't take it any more, I gave in and fed her a bottle of pumped breast milk. I cried while she ate because I'd been told that introducing a bottle to a newborn might mean she'd never breastfeed again. Paul put his head to mine and told me that I was doing something I didn't like for the sake of my baby's health, and that that alone made me a great mom. I cried, but it felt better to know that my little girl wasn't hungry any more.
I was so pleased when Regan didn't seem at all confused by the bottle vs. the breast. She seemed able to switch back and forth with no problem at all, or at least breastfeeding didn't get any more difficult than it already was. It still took about three and a half weeks to really get the hang of it, but I knew that I could give her a bottle when we both couldn't take struggling with it any more. The relief of some of that stress I think actually helped us get the hang of it. I always tried to nurse her first, but she had lots of bottles in those early weeks, always of breast milk. And slowly, the bottle feedings got less and less frequent. Now we only give her bottles when I need to get out to run errands or something without her or when Paul is nice enough to do some nighttime feedings so I can get a little more sleep. It's the best of both worlds. And still, not a drop of formula has passed her lips. I'm not against formula feeding, and I certainly understand why someone would do it, but I'm glad we haven't needed it.
So to the new moms or soon-to-be new moms out there who want to breastfeed, ask for help and don't give up. Most moms are happy to help or to simply be a cheerleader. Remember that almost every breastfeeding mom has been through it and you're not alone, even at 4 a.m. when you feel like you and this crying baby are the only beings on the planet. I didn't even talk about the pain or discomfort of breastfeeding in those first weeks. It can be intense, but soon it won't hurt at all. Like a lot of things about being a new parent, just when you think you can't take it anymore, something changes and it gets easier. Right now, the sleep deprivation alone makes it tempting to switch to formula so she'll sleep for more than two hours at a time. But I try to remember that even though this period feels like it'll never end, I'll look back on it soon and it'll feel like a blink. I might even miss it.
Unless you've breastfed before, there's really no way to explain or understand why it can be so difficult. I went to the hospital's breastfeeding class, I read the books, talked to the lactation consultants and got all the advice I thought I'd need. Paul didn't really understand why I needed all that info. Breastfeeding just comes naturally, right? Not exactly.
Regan came out rooting for food. She was hungry right away and ready to eat. The nurse helped me get her latched on within an hour of her birth, and then commented that she was one of the easiest babies to get latched that she'd ever had. I thought, "Great! We'll have no trouble nursing and everything will be wonderful!" Well, it wasn't easy.
As soon as I got Regan home, it was like she forgot how to suck. I'd struggle to get her fragile, wiggling little body positioned just right, and she'd just root around and cry and flop her head back and forth. I felt so helpless. I could only do so much for her - I couldn't make her suck. Or she'd cry for food but fall asleep as soon as I cradled her, and wouldn't wake up for anything! Meanwhile, my breasts got more and more engorged, making it harder and harder for her to get latched on and more and more painful for me. There is no worse feeling in the world, I think, than knowing your baby is hungry and not being able to feed her. And all of this while sore from the delivery, hormonal and before any adjustment to the sleep deprivation had kicked in.
I reached out for help from my mom, my friends on Facebook, my husband and the lactation nurses at the hospital. Without all of them, I very likely would have given up in the first week. A friend brought over a really nice breast pump for me to use. If I'm ever asked for advice on breastfeeding, it will be this: get a good pump BEFORE the baby's born. I had planned to buy one, but the suckers are around $300 and I was putting it off because I didn't think I'd need one right away. But that pump has been invaluable. At first, I pumped just to relieve some of the engorgement, and that helped Regan get latched on. But she still wasn't able to latch consistently, and she needed to be fed. So late one night, after she'd been crying and crying and I couldn't take it any more, I gave in and fed her a bottle of pumped breast milk. I cried while she ate because I'd been told that introducing a bottle to a newborn might mean she'd never breastfeed again. Paul put his head to mine and told me that I was doing something I didn't like for the sake of my baby's health, and that that alone made me a great mom. I cried, but it felt better to know that my little girl wasn't hungry any more.
I was so pleased when Regan didn't seem at all confused by the bottle vs. the breast. She seemed able to switch back and forth with no problem at all, or at least breastfeeding didn't get any more difficult than it already was. It still took about three and a half weeks to really get the hang of it, but I knew that I could give her a bottle when we both couldn't take struggling with it any more. The relief of some of that stress I think actually helped us get the hang of it. I always tried to nurse her first, but she had lots of bottles in those early weeks, always of breast milk. And slowly, the bottle feedings got less and less frequent. Now we only give her bottles when I need to get out to run errands or something without her or when Paul is nice enough to do some nighttime feedings so I can get a little more sleep. It's the best of both worlds. And still, not a drop of formula has passed her lips. I'm not against formula feeding, and I certainly understand why someone would do it, but I'm glad we haven't needed it.
So to the new moms or soon-to-be new moms out there who want to breastfeed, ask for help and don't give up. Most moms are happy to help or to simply be a cheerleader. Remember that almost every breastfeeding mom has been through it and you're not alone, even at 4 a.m. when you feel like you and this crying baby are the only beings on the planet. I didn't even talk about the pain or discomfort of breastfeeding in those first weeks. It can be intense, but soon it won't hurt at all. Like a lot of things about being a new parent, just when you think you can't take it anymore, something changes and it gets easier. Right now, the sleep deprivation alone makes it tempting to switch to formula so she'll sleep for more than two hours at a time. But I try to remember that even though this period feels like it'll never end, I'll look back on it soon and it'll feel like a blink. I might even miss it.
Growing stronger
My sister said it best when told me to be real, not try to be perfect. So I'll admit it. This is hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm still counting my blessings every day. But this is tough.
Everything from TV commercials to "informational" booklets, etc. portray this beautiful little glowing, rose-colored world of perfect babies that never cry for hours for no reason and parents who just smile and coo and snuggle all day. Of course I knew it wouldn't be like that all the time, but I didn't really expect to have a baby that cried constantly. At least it seems constant. And listening to her cry is like torture to me. I guess there's some kind of hormone (or just effective evolution, maybe?) that makes a baby's cry so aggravating to adults. So I try to tell myself that everything is as it should be. But "mind over matter" goes right out the nursery window at 4 a.m. when I've been up every hour so she can nurse for 4 minutes and then lie awake or cry for another 30. And then we start again an hour later. Who knew I'd sleep so well sitting in a rocking chair?
Still, the truth is that no matter how exhausted and worn down I am, I'd still rather be here than anywhere else. It's sort of a strange double emotion. At the same time that I'm ready to hand Regan off to Paul and run off to live on the beach for the next 3 months, I also don't like the thought of leaving her in anyone's arms but mine.
I can say that I can see progress. Breastfeeding has gotten SO much easier. When Regan's hungry, she latches right on, nurses for a few minutes and either goes back to sleep or is at least content for a while. It's a huge load off my shoulders to know that at least she's getting enough to eat.
Here's what I've learned in the last couple of days: Usually just when I think my nerves can't handle another second, something changes and gets better. When I started writing this blog post a couple of days ago, Regan had been crying off and on (mostly on) from about 8 p.m. to midnight for the last several nights and occasionally throughout the days as well. But for the last two or three days, she has barely cried at all. We're starting to figure out how to soothe her and what she likes and doesn't like. It has been a much more pleasant few days and really makes me appreciate the quiet moments.
Change is difficult, and Regan and I are both growing. I knew that having a baby would change me forever, but I guess I didn't really think about how that change would happen and what it would do to me emotionally. Like a good workout, I'm being worn down right now so that I can be built back up stronger. The process is hard and sometimes painful, but worth it.
Everything from TV commercials to "informational" booklets, etc. portray this beautiful little glowing, rose-colored world of perfect babies that never cry for hours for no reason and parents who just smile and coo and snuggle all day. Of course I knew it wouldn't be like that all the time, but I didn't really expect to have a baby that cried constantly. At least it seems constant. And listening to her cry is like torture to me. I guess there's some kind of hormone (or just effective evolution, maybe?) that makes a baby's cry so aggravating to adults. So I try to tell myself that everything is as it should be. But "mind over matter" goes right out the nursery window at 4 a.m. when I've been up every hour so she can nurse for 4 minutes and then lie awake or cry for another 30. And then we start again an hour later. Who knew I'd sleep so well sitting in a rocking chair?
Still, the truth is that no matter how exhausted and worn down I am, I'd still rather be here than anywhere else. It's sort of a strange double emotion. At the same time that I'm ready to hand Regan off to Paul and run off to live on the beach for the next 3 months, I also don't like the thought of leaving her in anyone's arms but mine.
I can say that I can see progress. Breastfeeding has gotten SO much easier. When Regan's hungry, she latches right on, nurses for a few minutes and either goes back to sleep or is at least content for a while. It's a huge load off my shoulders to know that at least she's getting enough to eat.
Here's what I've learned in the last couple of days: Usually just when I think my nerves can't handle another second, something changes and gets better. When I started writing this blog post a couple of days ago, Regan had been crying off and on (mostly on) from about 8 p.m. to midnight for the last several nights and occasionally throughout the days as well. But for the last two or three days, she has barely cried at all. We're starting to figure out how to soothe her and what she likes and doesn't like. It has been a much more pleasant few days and really makes me appreciate the quiet moments.
Change is difficult, and Regan and I are both growing. I knew that having a baby would change me forever, but I guess I didn't really think about how that change would happen and what it would do to me emotionally. Like a good workout, I'm being worn down right now so that I can be built back up stronger. The process is hard and sometimes painful, but worth it.
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