There was a brand new mom and dad and teeny-tiny baby girl at Regan's daycare when I visited at lunch today. Mom was peppering the teacher with a thousand questions while dad silently rocked the little one to sleep in his arms. As I sat on the floor reading and playing with Regan, encouraging her to stand up and crawl, I could hear the slight panic in the new mommy's voice. "Where will Sophia sleep?" "How do you keep the toys clean?" "What if you can't get her to stop crying?" I remembered that feeling and recognized the look in her eyes - like a nervous bird ready to fight or flee at any second.
The week before Regan started daycare, we visited several times. "She likes to be swaddled in this blanket best." "What if she won't drink from a bottle?" "How do you sanitize everything?" I looked at the veteran moms, all relaxed and well-rested, and wondered if I'd ever get to their state of calm. Today, as Regan chewed on a toy that probably came straight from another baby's mouth, I realized I was now the calm (or at least calmER) mother that I'd looked up to a few months ago.
Those who know me best probably don't think I'm terribly calm when it comes to being a mom. I can't help it, I get a little frazzled still. But believe me, I'm calmer than I was a few months ago! It took me a good 6 months to finally feel like I might actually keep this little creature alive for a while longer. I've never sugar-coated how difficult being a brand new mommy was for me. In fact I may have been a little too honest for my non-parent or soon-to-be-parent friends. Sorry about that. Really. No one likes an over-share and I didn't mean to scare anyone. Still, even though being a new mom was much harder than I expected, becoming a working mother was much easier than I expected. And now that Regan is doing incredible things like laughing and playing and (forgive me, sleep gods, please don't jinx me) sleeping through the night, it's so much more fun than I ever imagined. And even though I still sometimes lay the screaming little diva in her crib, close the door behind me and bury my head in the pillows, I also laugh, play, love and bask in the moments a hundred times more than I ever did. Those moments make it all so much more than worth it.
So I wanted to tell the brand new mommy that it's hard to go back to work, but she'll be okay - both mommy and baby will be okay. That she shouldn't let anyone scare her into thinking that leaving her baby at daycare will be the most heinous and awful thing she'll ever have to do. I wanted to tell her that my daughter is happy at day care, I'm happy at work, and we're all blissfully happy at home. I wanted to tell her that no matter what, she is the mommy and her baby will be happy to see her at the end of the day - at least most of the time. But I didn't. I just smiled a little as she took in the slight chaos that is infant daycare. As she left, I silently wished her a good night's sleep and knew that I'd see her again soon, without the panic in her eyes.
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| Regan and her best daycare buddy. Regan is just barely 6 months old here. |
