Usually, starting is the hardest part. Once I've got that down, I can run on momentum for a while. Sorta like learning how to drive a stick shift. So I'm skipping the start and starting in the middle. (Wish I could have done that with my first car!) I could start at the beginning but that would mean choosing a beginning, and I don't know which one to choose. Besides, I'm a rebel. Beginning, middle and end. Psh.
Anyway, here's what the middle looks like: Working fewer hours than it seems on most weeks at a job that wouldn't be nearly as stressful if I didn't have a boss that is a bear to work for. But for now, stress is the name of the game. Married just over two years to someone I still look forward to coming home to each night. And we're expecting our first little rugrat in October, unless you count the 4-legged variety of rugrat. In that case, we're expecting our fourth in October.
That's right. No longer "newlyweds" (didn't that end at the first anniversary anyway?) and now new parents. Yikes. Being a newlywed was easy. New mommy, even just a soon-to-be new mommy? Not so much. Fun? Yes. Easy? No.
I don't mean to complain. In fact, I feel very very lucky that my pregnancy has been so easy. I'm 16 weeks along and the worst was a couple of weeks of regular migraines and a few days of utter exhaustion. Thank goodness that didn't last any longer. The less-than-easy part has been mostly mental. I stress about work, and then I stress about how I'm ever going to handle the stress at work PLUS the stress of having a newborn. Then I stress that I'm stressing too much. It's sort of a cycle.
But then I have afternoons like today's. I had my 16-week doctor appointment. Paul didn't even come with me this time because he's already seen the ultrasound, and we both expected this appointment to be pretty routine. You know: step on the scale, take blood pressure, answer questions and that's that. And really, that was that. But I came home in a MUCH better mood than when I left. There's nothing like hearing that little heartbeat, even for just a moment, to remind me of the big picture. Plus, I love the doctor I saw today. I'm going to a clinic with five docs, and I'm trying to get to meet each of them before October, because unless I have a scheduled birth for some reason, I won't know which doc will deliver my baby. But now, after meeting Dr. Storey today, I'm crossing my fingers it'll be him. He smiled when he heard the heartbeat like it was the first time he'd heard a baby's heartbeat. It wasn't. I'm impressed. His smiles and attitude and general demeanor so impressed me, in fact, that I'm thinking of sending him a thank you note tomorrow. Seriously. Sending a doctor a thank you note for a 5-minute routine visit? There's a first for everything, I guess. Oh, and he guessed a girl. (Told ya, Paul!)
We also visited/toured the daycare center we intend to use and got some info on getting some state assistance in paying for it. Until Paul finishes school, $700 a month for daycare is, well, just a big "yeah right."
Well, for someone who didn't know where to start or what to say, I've sure said a lot. I'll stop now. Here's to less rambling, more interesting future posts.
B
